A couple weeks ago a man in our small group Bible study announced that he had finally come to faith and became a Christian. He had been attending the church for a while and was a consistent part of our study. Most people didn’t even know that he was not yet a “believer”. He did actually believe in God, but deciding to commit to Him was a huge step that he took slowly and deliberately. Rightfully so. On the ride home I told my wife that I’ve always been curious about what the last straw is for someone in that situation. What is the final deciding factor? I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but it’s still an interesting question. Did he find some personal resolution with the problem of evil? Did he reconcile the role of faith in a science-obsessed culture? Did he come to terms with his position in light of a Divine Creator? I’ve usually figured that there was always some last question, some pressing issue, that needed to be answered before one would make that decision.

But thinking about it now has caused me to look at this process in a different light.

If someone were to ask me what the final deciding factor was in asking my wife to marry me, I wouldn’t even know what to say. Yes, of course there were some questions to be answered and some issues to be considered. But ultimately what caused me to want to marry her was the relationship that we already had. I spent time with her. I got to know her. I let her get to know me. All questions aside, I found her to be someone that I could love wholeheartedly, someone that I trusted to love me wholeheartedly, and someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. I built a relationship with her first before deciding to commit to relationship with her for all of my future.

I think that new believers go through this same process, in one form or another. We go through a dating phase with God, then an engagement. Then we make that final decision and commit to Him through accepting His atonement through the death and resurrection of Christ. We enter into a covenant, a marriage. A person can build a relationship with God, testing the waters, learning trust, learning communication, building a history with Him, long before deciding to commit to Him. In the end it doesn’t matter what the questions and answers were. Did he spend time with God, get to know Him, and allow himself to be known by Him? Did he find God to be someone he could love wholeheartedly? Did he find God to be someone he trusted to love him wholeheartedly? Did he find God to be someone he could commit himself to for the rest of his life? These are not theological questions. These are relational ones and can only be answered through pursuing relationship.

But, just like marriage, the relationship doesn’t cease at the moment of commitment. It ebbs and flows. It changes. It matures. There are responsibilities that aren’t necessarily all that fun. Sometimes the romance is sparse, but others it’s overwhelming. As Christians we’ve entered into marriage with the perfectly faithful Spouse. How is our faithfulness? If we were to sit with God on a couch in a marriage counselor’s office, where would the blame be if we’re not happy in our relationship?

I don’t think I’d be able to look God, or the counselor, in the eyes.

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